Where am I?

It was awfully quiet when I returned to the house however Kayden was home so he usually would not do anything in front of him. Yet I walked on eggshells not knowing what was to come when I put him down for bed and it was just the two of us. Me against the monster who I knew was not done with me after locking me in the room all weekend. After I escaped and did he know how I got out? I spent as much time as I could with Kayden before bed and then just waited for what was to come next. 

It was shocking nothing but silence, there was no way this monster was this quiet. It was if the silence was more unnerving than just going through what I had expected to happen. Yet nothing happened, actually the next few days were very quiet. I knew however that this was not going to end this way it was a matter of time before my consequences for escaping were coming. I knew that locking me in the room was not the end of whatever he had planned for me, but what was his plan. The silence was eating me alive and walking on eggshells seemed to become normal in my daily life. 

My parents called and asked me to go for dinner on the Friday night and I made plans to be there. They knew nothing about anything that happened within the walls of my house. I avoided them when things were bad and popped up when I felt it was safe. He hated when I left the house without him it was a million questions. If one answer didn't feel like truth to him, I was accused of everything you could think of.  Even when I went to the grocery store he would give me money to do so and then expect a receipt and exact change when I returned. Usually he would start an argument so I would just give up and stay home but this time he didn't. I took my truck and Kayden and went to my parents for dinner. It was a relief to be away from there but something just didn't sit right with me all week.

I packed up Kayden and headed home after dinner, he feel asleep in the car seat, Thank GOD.

I opened our front door that went into the living room and all the silence from the week got really loud. I walked in and he had the neighbor tied to one of our kitchen chairs. This, was the silence I received all week, this was what he was waiting for. I went to walk back out of the house and he looked at me and said, "your going to watch this and clean up afterwards."

I stood there completely frozen as I have never seen such evil in all of my life. I stood there almost blacked out while I listened to him repeatedly punch him over and over again. I notice he had a knife in his hand and I remember thinking to myself am I going to have to clean up this mans body? I didn't dare call the cops, what am I being forced to do right now. All I wanted was this to end and him to let the neighbor go he didn't deserve this we hadn't done anything he is accusing us of doing.

The neighbor was black and blue and eventually he did stab him once and then dropped the bloody knife onto the carpet. I was still just standing in the doorway with my sleeping son in his car seat, frozen. He gave him one last punch and untied him, told him to stay away from our house and let him leave. The neighbor could barely walk out of our house and I could not believe this man hurt this human because his mind made him believe we slept together. 

He looked at me, told me to clean up the mess and then went downstairs. I took a bit to move and try and gather what I had just walked into before I put my son to bed. I walked into the living room and our cream coloured carpet and the knife was covered in blood, I had no clue how this was my life. How am I supposed to just stay silent about what he just did to this man? I had no choice but to just do what he tells me to do and try to find a way to break free from this and be safe. 

I heard our dog whining and with all that was going on I did not even realize this man had leashed her to the back door going downstairs. How long had she been there? I rushed over and unhooked her and she bolted to go outside. I started cleaning up the living room. While I washed the blood covered knife in the sink my anxiety kicked in. The adrenaline had worn off and pure panic set in. I cleaned as fast as I could so I could just go to bed. I knew I couldn't call the cops and report this or I would be the one strapped in that chair. I felt every emotion you don't want to feel at once.

I went to my room and called the crisis line, I needed someone I needed out I needed to be okay. I just needed someone to talk to without saying to much. Pretty much just blaming everything I was feeling on my own mental health. I did not dare say anything about what just happened within our home. 

That was the worst mistake ever. Crisis called CPS on our house just to do a welfare check for my mental health and my son. They showed up the following day and he answered the door. They advised him I had called crisis response, he put on that ever so friendly face and pretended he knew I was just having a hard night. Of course I played along now panicking about what he is going to do the moment they leave. They looked around, visited with us and checked out my son and closed the case. All while I stood there screaming inside for help, for them to see something and take my son and I away from there. They left. 

It was about fifteen minutes later when my face was slammed into the wall, my phone was smashed into pieces and when I tried to get away from him I was slammed again into the door. I fell to the ground and he left me there and went back downstairs. I remember laying there hopeless thinking where am I and how is this my life? Is this the end of this whole accusation of me and the neighbor? Was locking me in the room, beating the neighbor and now abusing me enough? Is this nightmare over and when will the next one begin?

 I now have no phone to call anyone not that I would as now I was covered in bruises. I never let anyone see me when I looked that way. I always protected this monster, made life look beautiful from the outside. I did not dare to speak any truth about anything in fear of what he might do to me. It was the most trapped I had ever felt over one week and now I knew I had to find a way to get a new phone before my parents came to check on me. 

You never know what happens behind closed doors in anyone's life. You don't know who is living an actual nightmare and not just waking up from one at night. You never know the battles anyone is facing, so be kind.