Will it end?
How did I get here and how do I get out?
My home had turned into a hot spot, random people in and out, drug drops, and everything felt so loud. However I lived as if life was normal and just did my best to be the best Mom I could despite our surroundings. I stayed quiet and distant and I knew if all I focused on was Kayden we may just make it out of all of this.
At this point the only place I was allowed to go was my parents or down the street to his brothers house who was thankfully dating my best friend. Yet going to my parents was always a fight, because he knew they did not like him at all and he could not control that situation. However he knew I would never have told them the truth about what went on behind the closed doors in our house.
He was only getting deeper and deeper into this life of cocaine but it always stayed in the basement away from Kayden. Until it didn't...
My upstairs loft in Kayden's room where I worked became a desk for cutting cocaine. So now my only "safe place" upstairs was gone I felt completely trapped in this life. I kept thinking the only thing I am thankful for is Kayden is to young to get up those stairs. How could this man not see this problem and how the hell do I get out of this! How do I safely break Kayden and I free?
If you have never been in an abusive relationship your probably asking yourself why did I go back to him? Why do I not just walk out the door and leave? Abusers have a way of telling you the right thing at the right time and they have a way of keeping you right where they want you to be when they want you to be there. It's the absolute most manipulative situation to be entwined into and leaving isn't always an option when your inside if you want to stay alive.
Next door to our house was a guy about my age who started "working" with my ex and it did not take long before I was accused of absolutely everything between him and I. I had just put Kayden to bed and was watching a show in the living room, he came up to me and grabbed my phone. It was an old blackberry the one with the little buttons as a keyboard. Accused me of sleeping with the neighbor while he was downstairs selling drugs and twisted my phone until every piece of the keyboard was on the floor in front of me. I just sat there as he continued to snap my phone in half. All I could think of was all the pictures I had taken of Kayden are now gone. I cried and that didn't help the situation as he made it seem like I was crying only because "I got caught". I just remember sitting there because I had no idea where this was coming from or if I said anything what would he do to me. He told me to get up and pick up the mess, so I did and before I knew it I was tossed into the wall. He continued to push me around until he slammed me into Kayden's bedroom door and woke him up. As soon as Kayden cried he stopped. I thanked god for that. I got myself together and got Kayden back to sleep, as I walked out my ex said to me this isn't over yet and he went back downstairs.
I cleaned up everything, grabbed my phone and cried myself to sleep. Now I had no way to contact anyone. I was alone.
It was now Friday and his parents were coming to get Kayden for the weekend. I was getting Kayden ready for his parents to arrive soon and my ex said to me, " its almost your turn," and walked away. The doorbell rang his parents took Kayden and I had no clue what was going to happen next.